It's Still December...

Monday morning, er early afternoon-ish.  The skies are crystal blue - in fact, were you to open the pages of your Websters, you'd find this day under the words "crystal blue" (ridiculous, I know, Websters doesn't list "crystal blue" as a term.  I just checked). In the summer, this day would be perfect - I'd be running out to the park to sit 'derneath oak trees and feel the breeze - then again, were this summer, I wouldn't have the week off.  Happy New Years indeed.

I know you've all been waiting with baited breath to hear how I've been.  (Maybe).  By now, I think you know (those of you who've been reading since Day 1) that I treat my blog much like a new favorite restaurant.  The first few days I eat there endlessly - I can't get enough of it.  I like to try everything on the menu, explore every little corner and taste, and practically gorge myself on my favorites like jobche noodle, vegan cake, and red-purple rice.  From there, I return now and then, and relive the "good times"... until weeks and months pass without a sweet potato and healthy dose of cabbage.  One day, I think to myself, "Hmmmm... I'll bet a Flax Seed Salad is exactly what I'm craving" and I'm right back there, eating and re-living and so on.  Sounds true of my blog, no?

Well, at any rate, it has indeed been a busy fall.  When we last left, I was unpacking-showering-packing-gauzing-taping-binding twice a day.  You'd think things would have been ok after that, but well, there was additional drama to come (which I will not recount because it reeks of a wee-emotional-breakdown worse than any actual health drama).  In the end, I came to learn that it takes the body a long time to heal from surgery (obvious, I know) - in fact, I'm still healing.  I'm all closed up with a substantial scar and so on, but I can still feel the tissue moulding and sculpting beneath the skin and it is an odd feeling.  My dentist, whom I greatly admire both for her artful handling of my dental anxiety and for her generous and kind spirit, told me the best way to get on from the whole surgery is to touch my scar regularly and often - to help the body and the mind get beyond the trauma.  I've certainly tried this (she explained it as some sort of mental-nerve-thing - like it was scientific, though I don't know) - but I still catch myself saying silently, "Wow, what's that big line on your belly and how'd that get there."  My mom tells me not to rest on it... but I confess I also find myself saying, "Sh*t, I could be dead right now. Sh*t."

*Deep Breath*

If nothing else, the whole to-do sent me to really look on my life and all the things I do and evaluate.  I certainly learned who my friends are - no doubt about that.  Some local folks who I admittedly felt tight with (and who I know read this blog) appeared to, uh, disappear which was disappointing.  I confess I experienced a wee ego-blow when I considered the  help and support I'd given them vis a vis my own drama --- but decided rather than keeping score (which one might read that I'm still doing - it's ok, I acknowledge that I'm sometimes bitter) or asking for a return on knitted-gifts, yarn, or other aide, I opted instead to fill my spare time with other activity. I'm better for it, I think - but sometimes our best-acts-of-self-protection are not in our best interests (perhaps even pointing my disappointment out here and now will cause some stir in the would-be Dansko-filled chicken coop, but I think that's ok and don't mind a little passive-agression to those folks.  Hell, everyone needs someone to talk about).

Wow, that last paragraph was pretty involved. Maybe I should look in Websters for "choosing-your-words-carefully".

On the flip side, I confess friends with whom I knew less well - often readers here from elsewhere who'd had their own experiences - or still others who had drifted from me or I them - proved to be invaluable sources of consolation, perspective, and runs-to-the-grocery-store when I ran out of yogurt or good fresh fruit. There's one special guy who's driving back from Corpus-Christi/Dallas via the Eastern states who I'd like to thank with a wee giftie, but I'll need to thank him when I see him (and he's within the DMV area again).

On filling my time with other pursuits, I made a few important decisions in the fall - I decided to hire sample knitters to do all my work for me. It's been a blessing through and through (mostly) and I don't mind with parting with a bit of a commission to be able to have time to make dinner and/or have some personal time. I plan to continue with this in 2009 - and have put a call for knitters up in the "testing pool" forum in Ravelry. I've gotten some good responses - and have heard from one cool-cat that I'm hell-bent on keeping busy this spring, and am looking to add one or two more. Look there for the details. Ravelry has been wonderful - and I wish I could take back all of the crazy things I said about not having time for it.  Beyond being a great forum to meet friends and talk with knitters, it's been an endless source of tech editing work, which I love and value (and thank them for with Financial bits, when I'm able).

I'm off this week - the last few days of December and the first few of January.  I have a full-plate indeed but am welcoming a bit of time to post to the blog, do some knitting, and a ton of planning for 2009 (Business plan, here I come!).

Best wishes to all of you who are still out there with an ear - and let me know you're here!

Comments

[Kim]

Your blog! It lives!! :-)

Hope you had a wonderful, wonderful Christmas, and have an even better New Year!

Here's to a great 2009!

-K

[Dave]

Sounds like you're mending, both physically and emotionally, slowly but surely. A bit of introspection now and then is healthy. I too have learned that there's nothing like a bit of a crunch to find out which friendships can withstand a bit of tempering. Here's hoping the New Year brings better things for you. :-)

[Johann Mitchell]

If you still need a sample knitter, I would be available for some work (right after I finish the 5 Christmas stockings I'm knitting on commission).

I met you last(?) summer at the Yarn Harlot's talk at Borders, although you may not remember me. I was introduced by my daughter, Holly, from Stitch N Bitch.

I did the blue coat that Stephanie mentioned in her blog right after that event.

I have retired, so have more time for knitting, but don't have a car, so picking stuff up would be a little more difficult.

Good luck with finding the people you need!

[Jody]

Hey! Glad to hear you are recovering both in mind and body :)

I'd love to get together for another coffee and knit sometime soon!

[Mel]

Sounds like a bit of PTSD. Hopefully it won't linger long and the new year will bring all sorts of goodness. Or at least the things you need.

[Kristi]

It is good to know that you are out there and doing alright. My hopes for a continued recovery.

[Calvin]

Glad to get an update. Happy New Year to you.

[QueerJoe]

It's delightful to see this blog post. I forget how much I miss reading you sometimes. I know you know this already but you're quite an amazing guy in a very unique way. Can't wait to see you again in May.

[Dave Daniels]

Hey, it's good to see you post. You've had quite an emotional time. I think you're in for some big cosmic changes. That happens when you drop the unimportant people/situations/events from your soul. It's good in the end.
Happy New Year!

[Sean]

I'm always here. Not to worry...

[alice]

I am so glad to see you up and posting! Take care of yourself.

[Van]

It is great to read you again! Partly because you're writing, and partly because I'm attempting to keep up with friends' blogs a little more consistently.

I had abdominal surgery about six years ago, and the marring of my lovely flesh discouraged me for what seemed ever, but nowadays I forget I even have a big scar.

As a kid I practically lived in Narnia. And The Voyage of the Dawne Treader was my favourite, too!

Cheers!

[Tom]

Glad you're back! I've been checking patiently since your last post. Here's to a better 2009!