The Crown Diet

Well, kids - I'm back for a moment. It has been an incredibly busy month or so since Christmas... I did go back to CT for the holiday which was wonderful - and got quite a few nice gifties, including a Rosetta Stone CD in Spanish (no soy una doctora!) and a great pair of cuff links... Time with the fam was wonderful, I think I actually gained more respect from my sister, when I got her a few substantial gifts.  Diamonds ARE a girls best friend (actually, it was pieces from Paris I bought for her - but they required some thought). Anyway.  Still tech editing - which is going very well - this last time around was the largest issue I've done for Knit n Style (well largest contribution to the tech editing) and the experience continues to be fun, interesting, and a source of personal learning for me.

For folks who are big TrickyTricot fans, my first article has been published in Knit n Style (an interview with Kaffe Fasset) and I'm pretty stoked with the way it turned out - go, run, buy the issue, and be amazed.  I've got another interview with Meg Swansen coming out in the next issue - so keep your eyes peeled.  AND, I've got 7 designs in the next 6 issues (that's six sweaters plus two vests) of KNS for men in the next year... some really cool stuff.  I'll do my best to let you all know, when the issues hit the shelves.

For now though, I present to you, my most recent endeavor from life at the dentist - and the newest addition to the celebrity diets (file it right before the tapeworm diet in severity):  The Crown Diet!

Objective: Go one week (or more) with a temporary crown in your mouth, without having it fall out.

Definition: A temporary crown is a piece of plastic - often hard, sometimes soft-ish - which is meant to symbolize a real tooth in the back of the mouth, while scientists in Switzerland are handcrafting a metal (or porcelin) tooth to replace the actual tooth which has wasted away by the tender young age of 29, due to most likely, repeated fillings.  A temporary crown's primary purpose is to trick your other teeth into believing everything's ok, and the same fate doesn't await them.

Process: There are any number of ways to have need for a temporary crown - here are a few suggestions to get you started, but creativity towards participating is encouraged:  crack a tooth on someone's (uh) personal jewelry, don't brush, instead of brushing with toothpaste cover your teeth with sugar every night, grind your teeth for no good reason, chew on marbles (don't swallow - you'll choke), have another dentist do shoddy work - then go to a new dentist and she'll tell you it needs to be replaced (this one happens to be my invitation to participate - bonus points for this one because crowns aren't covered unless they've broken after some 20 years), or borrow a dental drill and do some damage.

Rules of Engagement: Temporary crown must be on a back tooth - close to the tongue, preferably on the top, and one that is essential to chewing on that side of the mouth. You may not chew on that side of the mouth at all.  No sticky food - including candy, chocolate, bread, bagels, chewing gum, or fatty meat (not a concern for us vegetarians). It is recommended you don't floss between those teeth (the crown and the one before/after it) - but bonus points if you do, and it stays in. Complaining about the crown to everyone - including strangers and especially co-workers is encouraged.  I recommend composing staff-wide daily crown updates.

Suggested Diet: Though you may eat whatever you like, I encourage you to follow the TrickyTricot recommended diet - you may actually shed a few pounds too. For your benefit, I've given you a daily account of what it might look like.  Tea, water, and juice are suggested in addition - but not listed below.

Day 1, Delivery of Temporary Crown: Dental appointment at 8am - no breakfast.  Arrive back at office, with Robek's Passionfruit Cove fruit shake in hand, half finished.  Learn from office mates that straws aren't a good idea when you've got a temp (which hell, I never knew - but could explain why temporaries have fallen out in the past).  Note to self, no more straws - they're an environmental waste anyway. Lunch: vegetarian chili, rice, and sour cream.  Dinner: Goat cheese pierogies from the farmer's market.  Hmmmm... pierogies..

Day 2: Breakfast: Skip breakfast and have an iced latte from Starbucks (notably, you learn a latte has more protein than two eggs.  Hmmmm... eggs...).  Lunch Vegetarian Chili, rice, and sour cream.  Yogurt for dessert (for good behavior).  Dinner: Tofu, rice, and other grains from Whole Foods. Bonus round: You find an abscess in your mouth (on the other side) and it pops. (Words can't describe how this tastes, friends). Freak out, and call the dentist the next morning.

Day 3: Crown is still in, but you end up going back to the dentist to check on the abscess (which happens to have been a piece of food caught between another crown and the gumline.  She cleans it out and you shed a tear of happiness, for not requiring a root canal). Breakfast: Yogurt.  Lunch: Rice bowl, with tofu. Piece of carrot cake for dessert (it's been a traumatic day, give me a break). Dinner:  Skip dinner.

Day 4: Breakfast: eggs and a soy sausage or 2.  Lunch: Tomato soup and a piece of bread (cheaters never win, and in this case, they lose).  Piece of whole grain bread gets stuck underneath temporary crown.  It doesn't hurt, but this bodes bad for you. Dinner: Chinese food - two kinds of tofu and brown rice.

Day 5: Yoga first thing in the morning - feels good. Breakfast: Yogurt and fruit salad.  You go to whole foods and buy strawberries and blackberries - then realize that those damn seeds are going to get stuck under the crown.  Just an apple and some yogurt. So yum. Lunch: Left over Chinese.  Bonus points for making left overs and not going out. Dinner: Goat Cheese pierogies from the Farmer's market.  Hmmmm... goat cheese...

Day 6: Breakfast: Reward yourself for not eating seeded berries by getting an omelet.  Give the bread away to a coworker, who throws it out.  Give him the other half of the omelet you can't finish and he eats it  Get a latte mid morning. Lunch: You guessed it - veggie chili, cheese, and brown rice.  Dinner:  Bulgarian Pepper casserole. 

Day 7: The home stretch. Pray to G-d your crown has come early (which it doesn't). Skip breakfast, in hopes you'll get a call (which never comes). Lunch: Chili routine. Dinner: Left over chinese food.

Day 8: Latte for breakfast.  Slim Fast shake for lunch.  A sensible dinner.

Day 9: Delivery of crown.  Yogurt and a latte for breakfast.  Skip lunch in preparation for crown delivery.  Get a call from the dentist 45 minutes before your appointment.  She's had an "emergency" and needs to go to an appointment.  Get incredibly angry - to the point of going ballistic and force yourself to leave work.  Throw caution to the wind, and order a pizza.  Eat the whole thing and don't even pretend like you just fell off the wagon.  Polish it off with a pint of ben and jerry's.

Day 10: Overtime. Latte for breakfast.  Skip lunch.  Go to the dentist and get new crown.  It's very shiny and pretty. Early dinner:  Chick'n rice bowl and two pieces of cake.

Results: Co-workers notice you've lost weight.  Your pants fit better.  And, you made it 10 days with a temporary crown on (a personal best).

Epilogue: Continue to wear nightguard as requested by dentist.  Approximately 8 days later, notice a huge hole in night guard where crown is now, and realize the crown broke the night guard.  Opt to wait to get it fixed.

****
Hopefully another entry to come before i disappear again.  I've spent the better part of the weekend at the spinning wheel, getting reacquainted with it (for reasons I can't say or blog about under penalty of breaking the rules.  Just telling you this, I've already said too much), and spun 4oz of BFL, 2 oz of Alpaca, and half a silk hankie.  Silk hankies are new for me - and I'm LOVING the experience of working with it.  Who knew I could spin so fine!  Well, ok, half of it is the silk - but still.  The alpaca and the BFL are both from Sakina Needles, purchased from my friends at The Loopy Ewe and I highly recommend them both. The colors are beautiful, and I can honestly say, this is one of the first times I've spun fiber so easily.  The alpaca is like butter. Plus, I have a near-complete Ram's head to show for and a few other projects.  Pictures to come (maybe) - spring's coming early.

PS I am incredibly looking forward to the Mens Spring Knitting Retreat, and can barely believe there are 30 guys in this country who knit, who'd want to visit and be socialable. If this is the first you're hearing about it, call Easton and get on the waiting list.

best to you all - mdv

Comments

[Dan Vera]

And here I was thinking it had something to do with tiaras.

[Dave]

Well, at least you're having fun. :-)

It's good to hear from you again, and I'm looking forward to seeing the new designs.

[anne marie in philly]

glad you are still alive!

makes me wanna run out an get a subscription to KNS! think I will...

[knitxcore]

OMG! i'm going through the exact same thing right now!!!!!! i get my permanent crown on the 11th... all i want is gummi bears!
i actually had a nightmare the other night about the temp falling out. i woke up yelling and jamming my fingers in my mouth to make sure it was still in place.
lol.
i guess it will be worth it in the long run, right?

[Sean]

Nothing like the dental-work diet. I lost five pounds when I had my wisdom teeth our a few years back. No fun. Glad you're reassembled now, sweetie.

Congrats on all the publishing! I'd say "Soon I'll bragging that I know you," but I already do that. So, we're both ahead of the game, I guess.

[Ted]

I think I went for 4 months in 2006 with a temp crown, during which time I also had my trip to Rhinebeck, where I ate a lot of cheesecake at a diner. And I ate nothing sticky. The wait would have been shorter, but apparently my jaw needs some kind of horse anesthesia to numb out the pain, and the dentist didn't have any in stock.

There are 8 guys on the waiting list for MSKR. The toll-free number for Easton Mountain is, of course, 800-553-8235, should anyone want to call to get on the waiting list. (We're kinda hoping that Easton will release a few more beds to our team, but no guarantees.)

[toni in fla]

Thanks for the check-in. Nice to know you're still out there kickin', although the whole crown thing just sucks. HATE dental work, but your diet may bring hope to the broken-crown masses. Hope your mouth is all recovered soon.

[Charles "The Knitter"]

Hey Michael~

I just want to say wishing you best Valentine's Day!

Love,
Charles

[Dutch Jan]

Glad your back! :-)

[Sean]

I'm just one step away from nagging you for a new blog post, but of course I would never do that, because I know it annoys you.

Or WOULD I do that?

Hmmmmm.

[Kim MacKenzie]

That was funny! I worked in the dental field for 20yrs and I have a mouth full of crowns, LOL! Glad you survived! Never again to eat carmels or hard candies. A bit of trivia for you. About 2 weeks after Halloween, moms come in to dental offices with crowns needing to be recemented. Sugar daddies and gummie bears their kids would not eat, get moms everytime!

[Helen]

Three crowns today and ten days to go....reading this made me feel oh-so-much better because I laughed for the first time today! I found you by Googling "crown diet" and not REALLY expecting to find one. Must go find yogurt now...

[Augustina]

I'm lying in bed with my nightguard on and two temporary crowns in my mouth (just placed in yesterday), laughing out loud at your very humorous look at "the crown". Thanks for making my day a little brighter. Btw, how is your permanent crown holding up?

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